


SILENCE

by SaraHudson112



Category: Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Also the author regrets everything, Angst, Hurt Tony Stark, I hate the avengers, Lot of angts, M/M, No Team Cap bashing, Seriously Tony is suffering, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Avengers doesn't care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-17
Packaged: 2018-12-25 13:17:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12036681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraHudson112/pseuds/SaraHudson112
Summary: .. Is deep when no one listen to your soul.Tony learned from a young age to be quiet. He wanted to speak, no one wanted to listen. Speak and talk have different meanings, and Tony always talked, but he didn't speak and he stopped doing it once he lost everything.





	1. When they never listened

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know where I'm going with this, but I only wanted to post something like this for so long! And I still don't know if I'm going to put a happy ending to this, because I really wanted a fic full of fucking drama and I'm sorry but also not that sorry. I hope you enjoy this and if you don't, it's probably because I'm an asshole or I just write really bad. Forgive my grammar mistakes. Lots of love for everyone.

After several times in his life of people yelling at him to shut up, Tony learned when to talk or when not to do it. His father always tended to shut him up if he was starting to ramble at dinner or whenever he tried to tell him something. Maria tried to listening to him, but most of the time the woman didn’t even put real attention at what Tony was saying. So he grew up in silence and then he went to study to a private school and he learned it was better if he talked to himself instead of other people.

Tony’s time in the MIT was better because he started talking more, but he developed a sarcasm towards everyone who tried to talk to him and more often than never he found himself back in deep silences that lasted at least several days. Then Rhodey came into his life and he started talking a little bit more and with less sarcasm towards his only friend.

And of course, just because Tony couldn’t have nice things, or at least not nice things that lasted long, Rhodey joined the army and they parted ways. Tony went back to not speak with anyone, less with Obadiah who was running Stark Industries at the time.

Then he decided it was time to take the lead and he started talking, talking to the meeting board of Stark Industries, talking to his lawyers, talking to Obadiah and after some months of bureaucratic stuff, he started talking to Pepper. He talked a lot, in front of a lot of people who were listening, but he never spoke, at least not really.

So rambling and talking was good, but people who listened always did it because they wanted something from him, sex, money, status, something to tell the press, but they always wanted something. In his life appeared Tiberious Stone and he thought that he finally would have someone to really speak to, but Tony proved himself wrong when the only thing his abusive boyfriend did was shut him up with a slap to his face and sometimes with something in his mouth that didn’t allow him to breathe either. It was the fourth time, when he almost died in the hospital, that Rhodey finally came back to him, to save him, to protect him from Tiberious Stone and he started talking again, but this time he was able to really spoke, he said everything he wanted to say and he told Rhodey everything. He never heard of Tiberious again, but he knew the man wasn’t dead.

After that, settling into deep silences was easy, Pepper was always so busy and Tony knew pretty well she deserved a lot just because she was able to put up with him for the longest amount of time. He loved her, she was smart, fragile and gentle, but also strong and severe when needed, and god only knew how much she needed to be strong and severe towards Tony.

Tony talked a lot, in front of cameras, in front of people, but he only spoke to his bots and to Jarvis, sometimes to Rhodey, but not so much, he wanted to started speaking again and then: _Afghanistan._

Yinsen made him speak and so he did. And speaking to Yinsen was easy, easy in the way he never thought it would be, and he finally let some of the deadly weight out of his chest. Then Yinsen died and he had to go back to New York, to try and speak to the people, to speak in the memory of those who died trying to protect him, the soldiers, Yinsen, everyone. He tried, but no one listened.

Sometimes in long nights of insomnia he remembered speaking to himself in the middle of the desert, just to make sure he was still alive.

After that, he started dying, and he tried to speak about it, but he found out he wasn’t capable of doing it, no one listened, no one cared. Pepper was busy worrying with work, Happy was busy protecting someone who really needed and Natalie (or Natasha) was trying to sneak into his life like a snake…a deadly poisonous snake.

And she did. She found out that Tony was dying, but she couldn’t care less.

Then Fury, scary motherfucker who believed himself the best of the best. Tony went back to not speaking, he wasn’t even talking anymore.

Natasha asked him a lot of questions, when he finally wasn’t dying anymore.

“Do you really wanted to die?”

“Why you allowed Rhodes to take your suit away?”

“I can see your issues, was it your dad?”

Tony stood from his seat and with a blank face and a deep silence, he left the room. He didn’t talk for at least a month. Not with Pepper, not with Rhodey, with no one.

The Avengers were difficult to talk to, even Bruce, but he guessed it was just because he wasn’t an easy person, so he remained in silence and only talked when needed.

Somehow, he started talking again, a lot actually, and he settled into a new rythm, he even thought that he could speak again and he tried but he failed, and then he tried again, and then he failed again. At least his talking made something good because he suddenly was talking a lot with Steve, they really talked a lot and Tony tried more and more to be able to speak again because he thought that Steve was the one, Steve was learning from him and Tony loved to teach him the new world. They did have dates, they did have sex, they kissed, but they never spoke about what they have.

And some time along the way, when he was trying his best to speak, Steve left to search something, Natasha left with him, Clint disappeared, Thor went back to Asgard and Bruce pretty much did the same as him, caging in a lab for days and working without talking.  
Tony decided he would try again when the Avengers reunited and he would try to speak with Steve about what they had, maybe…

Extremis happened and Tony tried to speak with anyone, tried to ask for help, Happy almost died, he almost died in the water, _the goddamn water_ and no one helped, no one came. He felt alone. He talked to Pepper, and then he went back to not speak. He acquired a child, Harley was easy to talk to, and Tony appreaciated those times and from time to time he even called Harley just to remember that someone listened, Harley always listened.

Tony did repair the extremis and himself, the arc reactor wasn’t in his chest anymore, and he didn’t speak about the uncomfortable feeling that remained forever with him and that made him rubb his chest whenever he felt too stressed.

Ultron appeared, or well… he created Ultron…And Thor, he was so surprised and disappointed because no one tried to stop Thor when he was choking him. His neck was bruised and those bruises totally faded almost two weeks later. Steve asked about it when they were having sex one night after the whole mess happened, he didn’t say anything and Steve never asked again.

Wanda. _Goddamn Wanda._ God… He wanted to die. Days later, when Steve finally came to talk with him, it was only to let him know that Wanda was going to stay with them. He went back to not speak again, for at least several weeks and no one tried to speak to him really.

He had no one to talk to, not even his beloved Jarvis.

Then the so called Civil War happened, things were happening to fast, too much at the same time and Tony found himself unable to speak, so instead he talked, he tried to fix everything and help everyone. He tried to keep himself in one piece when certain someone called him to tell him his godmother Peggy had died, and he also tried to stand still when he saw how hard Steve fought just to protect Bucky, because he could see the way Steve looked at Bucky, he knew… he wasn’t surprised, he knew it since the beggining, since Fury told him about what was happening with Steve and his long missions.

He helped King T’Challa, he supported the accords and he brought a kid from Queens who he tried to protect at all cost by giving him a million dollar suit. He did wrong, and he wished he had never brought the kid to the fight.

His Rhodey was injured.

And Steve protected his long time boyfriend and murderer of his parents by almost killing him.

Tony stopped talking and speaking.

He only talked with Peter, he tried hard to protect him and then Peter stopped talking to him.

He did nothing to repair the relationship, he landed the suit for Peter again, but he couldn’t talk so he didn’t. He stopped talking to King T’Challa also, because the man decided to protect Steve and the others. He stopped talking to Clint and he loved talking to Clint, but the archer hated him so bad that Tony wasn’t able to sleep for weeks. He didn’t talk with Wanda before, so he didn’t talk to her now. Scott… Scott thought he didn't know Hank Pym, the man was, with his father and his godmother, one of the founders of SHIELD, and he knew Hope Van Dyne also… Knowing from Scott that Hank Pym talked so bad about the Starks only added a new injury in his soul.

Bruce was still lost, but Tony knew well that he didn’t want to talk to Bruce either, and surely he doidn’t want to talk to Thor, he didn’t even want him near him.

He burned the letter Steve send and destroyed the cellphone for the greater good.

He wasn’t speaking, he wasn’t talking. He was drinking, and he was trying to survive, he no longer wanted to live, just survive.


	2. When they tried to listen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...it was already too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so..... please don't hate me! Hope you like this chapter, as I said in the first chapter, I wanted to write a fic like this, so I'm sorry if some of you find this terrible, forgive me. Well, see you next time!

Life adjusted in the better way posible for Tony after having to deal with the accords. King T’Challa tried to talk with Tony and Tony only talked with him with polite manners, Pepper was impresed, but by the look in the king’s eyes, he knew that something was wrong with Tony, though he didn’t ask and Tony never spoke.

Having to be the only one dealing with the aftermath of everything, the war, the hyper accounts of property damage and, of course, the goverment and the UN, that was really tiring, and Tony needed some well deserved vacations, far away in a place where he could remain in peaceful silence, because he was tired of talking, he was tired of Pepper and Rhodey trying to make him speak. He didn’t want to speak, he was tired of trying.

Normally he would have say to himself that Stark men don’t give up, but he was also tired of living with those kind of rules in his life so he settled new rules for his life. Like trying to solve his health problems first, because the arc reactor was back in his chest and that only made things difficult, his lungs were in big trouble and his heart was still adjusting to the reactor again and all that was Steve’s fault. The shield did a lot of damage in his ribs and all over his chest, and the injury in his spine was just starting to heal properly thanks to the renovated extremis. No one knew he had the extremis inside him, only Stephen Strange, who helped him with his magic and with his medic knowledge.

Healing…

He tried to heal.

But instead of taking vacations as he wanted, he found himself dealing with the Guardians of the Galaxy. They showed up in his backyard… or well, they crashed in his backyard, so to speak.

They were nice people, weird and a little bit snarky, but good people at last. Peter Quill was nice towards him, he knew good music and Tony enjoyed showing him new music and his tech.

Then again, Tony was never the kind of person who could have nice things and he learned very soon that lesson again. Gamora threatened with slice his throat if he dared to get near to Quill and he sighed, with his hands up in the air offering surrender and swore to her that he wasn’t trying to get into Quill’s pants, he was only trying to make friends.

He locked up himself in his lab and stopped talking with the Guardians.

“Quill, I’m your landlord, not your friend. I tried to make you feel comfortable here, I wanted to show you my hospitality and Gamora threatened me with a knife in my throat and it was crystal clear that I am not welcomed. Please, feel free to wander around the compound, when the Avengers arrive Friday will let you know and you can discuss with Steve Rogers about whatever you want.”

That was the last time he talked to the guardians.

Tony was having his last check with Stephen when he felt the need to talk, right in his throat.

“I hope this is the last time I have to deal with you, Stark” Stephen said, and Tony swallowed his need and he was about to apologise with the doctor for being such a trouble, he parted his lips, he took air, he stared at Stephen, but nothing came out, he touched his throat with a hand and frowned once he realised he wasn’t able to talk.

Maybe it was a lot of time locked up in a room, in deep silence, with no contact with people. Or maybe he was dying finally.

“Are you ok?” Asked the doctor and Tony shaked his head and motioned with a hand his throat and tried to simulate a sound or a cough, but nothing came out.

“You can’t talk, as I suppose.” Stephen frowned, Tony was almost frozen in his place.

Stephen said something about having to check a book to find a spell that could help Tony recover his voice, but Tony left before the doctor came back.

He went back to the compound, and he tried to talk to Friday, but he wasn’t able to speak so he directed orders to Friday through his key board and the AI suggested to inform everyone at the compound, but he decided against it and started creating codes for Friday to speak through her.

Peter tried to talk to him, he didn’t allow it, Quill tried to talk to him, he didn’t allow it either, and of course, Steve tried, but Stark wasn’t interested in hear whatever Steve wanted to say if he was being honest.

It was almost a month away from the first signs, that someone noticed that Tony wasn’t talking, and it was Clint who confronted Tony. They were trying set new plans to deal with Thanos. The guardians were there, Dr. Strange, Carol Danvers and even Hope Van Dyne.

“What’s up with you Stark? Do you feel like the big thing to just ignore us and not say anything? Or did the mouse eat your tongue?”

Stark didn’t even flinched or smiled, his face was emotionless.

“Can you talk, Stark?” Stephen asked, analyzing Tony with a serious face and Stark stood from his seat, tapped something in his phone and made a wave with one hand and then he left the room.

_“Mr. Stark informed me that he doesn’t want to be bothered in the near hours, the workshop will be in lock mode and yes, in case any of you haven’t guessed, Mr. Stark has had a speech impediment for almost a month now.”_

Pepper and Rhodey were there hours after that, Stephen told everyone what he knew, but he never thought that Tony would have a speech impediment for almost a month, he only thought it was a mere sign of an infection or something.

They all heard the armour roaring in the sky as it took off from the roof and they all knew something was really wrong.

“You are supposed to be his Friends, how is it posible you haven’t notice he can’t speak?” Stephen told the avengers.

“We never notice because he’s been ignoring us since we came back” Steve responded.

“Like you ever tried, you never asked about him when you came back” Quill hissed and he could heard the snort coming from Sam.

“At least we didn’t put a knife up in his throat”

“That was a misunderstanding!” Quill replied, he knew Gamora was being only overprotective in her very own way, and ever since then he had tried to fix what happened but Tony never accepted his request to talk. Gamora wanted to apologize, but Tony never was in the same room as them, even Groot was sad about it and Rocket blamed them for not fixing the problem with the only person he truly liked.

Stephen felt guilty, because he was the first one to notice Tony’s problem and he only dismissed it like nothing. Pepper and Rhodey were having the same feelings of regret and guilty, because they were supposed to be Tony’s Friends, the only ones he had and they were so busy with their own stuff they weren’t able to notice before it was too late.

Gamora felt like she wanted to slice something, thinking all that was her fault for what she did to Tony when he only wanted to be kind. The look on Tony’s face would always haunt her in her dreams. Tony was so broken and they weren’t able to see till it was too late.

_______________________

Tony went to his godmother grave, the only one who conforted him ever when Howard or Maria were too busy to pay attention, whenever his nightmares were impossible to bear, the only one who wanted him even when he was a completely mess. He touched the grave, his face was blank and he felt numb, lost, cold. A man approached him and cleared his throat once he was near, Tony only looked at him because he pronounced his name.

“Stark, such a surprise to see you here” Hank Pym stood by his side and Tony went back to look at his godmother’s grave, silently speaking with her.

“I see you keep your same terrible manners…”

“ _Mr. Stark can’t speak due to a medical condition, but he’s well aware that you don’t like him and he is about to leave. Also he is asking me to let you know that even after everything that happened, he always loved his aunt Janet. The mistakes of Howard Stark weren’t his to carry upon his shoulders and he hopes one day you, Hank Pym, will be able to understand that Mr. Anthony was only a child when his dear aunt Janet died and he was at no fault of what happened.”_ Tony was holding his phone for Hank and after the message ended, he putted back in his pocket and without looking at Hank he caressed softly Peggy’s grave and the he left, walking slow, not looking at any specific, Hank followed him with his gaze, surprised and also regretting what he said to someone who looked like a dead human. Tony, who was like his nephew even if the weren’t blood related, he looked so dead inside, so devastated. Hank wondered if anything that he knew about this man was true anymore.

________________________________________

Months passed like water for Tony, and finally he went back to the compound when Thanos threat was obvious and inminent. The Avengers and the Guardians were ready along with some other new recruits, Spiderman was there too and Tony wanted to take Peter out from there, scold him, and send him home with May, but he decided against it, because the last time he cared about the kid, they stopped talking, and he was no one to tell him anything so he kept his arguments. Not like he could real talk, he still wasn’t able to speak a word and in the meantime if someone needed something from him, Friday would answer for him.

Existing was tiring, Pepper and Rhodey were tiring, always trying to make him speak or to take him to a specialist. Happy was the only one who knew what he needed and before coming back to the compound for what it seemed like the final battle of his life, he went to see Harley. The boy was already a teenager, very smart. He was fine, happy and safe. Friday talked for him and of course, the visit was short, but Harley hugged him before leaving.

“You have to come back, mechanic.” Harley said and Tony only smiled softly and then he left.

He asked his lawyers to destinate a part of his will to Harley Keener, making sure the kid had everything he could possibly need even if Tony died.

His black armour was a mirror for what he felt inside, only some gold Paint where it needed and everything else was matte black. When he landed, everyone was looking at him, of course questions were made, comments, insults, but he remained silence, he didn’t even ask Friday to speak for him, he had nothing to talk with them, leaving a uncomfortable void for everyone.

And when the inminent end came for him, he held the gauntlet with the infinity stones, looking to an almost defeated Thanos. He stood there, in silence, Thanos wanted an answer and roared.

“I can see through you, man of iron, nothing you do here will make up all your mistakes, if you use the gauntlet, you’ll die too.” Thanos said and Tony finally snorted, like Thanos had just said something funny.

“Tony, no!” Quill screamed when Tony lifted the gauntlet. Steve was holding Peter, and they both knew it was the end of it all.

_______________________________

“Stark was happy to die” Loki said once everyone was settled back in the earth. They weren’t able to recover nothing from Tony. He disappeared at the same time Thanos did and the infinity stones were the only thing left form the explosion.

“What do you mean by that?” Steve asked inmediately. Peter was in the infirmary resting as well as Carol and Sam, but the others were gathered in the common room.

“I talked with him. In his mind.” Replied Loki, his face was serene but something more was beneath the surface. “I talked with him after the fight, he didn’t say much but I could see everything. Stark held no desire for living, his soul was so ripped that I couldn’t find a single piece of it. So I told him how to defeat Thanos and he said thanks.”

“You did what, Loki?” Thor stood from his seat and walked towards Loki, but the younger wasn’t impressed or scared, he was tired.

“I did a favour to him, something you never did. I offered him what he wanted, I listened for once in his life. You, the bunch of humans who said you were his friends, the ones who betrayed him the most, who never realized he couldn’t talk, you did this to him. I am glad he died, I couldn’t bear all his memories and feelings, I felt like I was in a void and when he finally died all the memories I saw disappeared as well as his feelings.”

“Tony didn’t deserve to die” Quill added, almost whispering.

“He wanted to die. That was the only thing he really wanted.”

“Don’t say that” Steve asked and Bucky placed a hand upon his shoulder trying to give him some support.

“You never saw it, he wanted to die for so long. The only thing Stark wanted was to speak, to be able to speak to someone and no one listened, that’s when he lost any desire to live. He was half dead already, I just gave him a way out” Loki left the room after that final comment.

What only remained with them was pure silence, the same silence Tony lived with, his whole life.

 


End file.
